Tuesday's Embarrassing Moments - in which I confuse a funeral for a party

Well, it's crazy to think that another week has gone by. I always intend to write down my funny stories as they happen, but it seems like something else always gets in the way (usually tv shows or video games, as it so happens.) But last week I did have a couple of funny things happen to me that deserve mention.

It all started on Tuesday. I woke up and went to the market to buy pork (which I said to Kyle, and he has made fun of me since then for saying that.) On the way, I passed this huge procession that took up the whole street: people marching playing instruments, big colorful signs, music, floats, everything you can think of. It had stopped up the traffic for at least a mile. I watched it as I walked, because I had to follow the same road, and I wondered what holiday was being observed (my belief that it was a holiday was strengthened by the fact that we have a few days off school this coming week.) I bought food and came back home, and then I headed up to teach my class.

All the students were sitting quietly at their desks. That had never happened before. I thought, "Gee, maybe this is what a professor sees when he walks into a room." Usually half the kids are out on the balcony, and everyone is talking, and it ends up taking several minutes to get them quiet enough that I can start class. But this time, they were dead quiet. I said, "Wow, you're all so quiet today." A few students said, "Good morning," but that was it. Then another Chinese professor poked his head in the classroom and started saying something. I checked my schedule because I was certain that I had walked into the wrong class, when all of the sudden one girl said, "We have exams." I was so embarrassed that I walked out of the room without my water bottle and without my umbrella, and another girl had to run out of her exam and bring me the umbrella.

I called David and he told me that I wasn't teaching on Tuesday or Wednesday, which was nice enough. So I went home. We ate lunch that day with Lee, who invited us to dinner. Now, it's important to know that Lee was not hosting the dinner, nor was he related to the people hosting the dinner. He just took it upon himself to invite us.

So after English Corner we met him at the restaurant (Grand Fortune Hotel again.) There was a whole family there celebrating something, and we got thrust right into the middle of it. That's an awkward enough situation, but when you don't speak the language and you stand out like a sore thumb, it gets to be almost terrible. Then Lee started telling me (in a very loud whisper) all the social gaffes I was committing. Such terrible things as sitting down too early after a toast, and not toasting other people enough. I realized that he had invited us there to show us off and that we were embarrassing him. Needless to say it made me very angry. I did embarrass myself quite a bit, though, especially when I toasted people, because the waitress kept filling my glass to the brim, so I spilled apple juice over everything (not just once, but several times.) I didn't really want to talk to Lee after that night was over. Actually, come to think of it, I haven't spoken to him since that night.

As for the parade I had seen and the holiday - turns out it was a funeral. I asked one of the students about it. Now, that would have been a moderately embarrassing blunder except for the fact that the week before, at English Corner, I had asked about another "party" and it had also been a funeral. So my advice is, unless you are specifically told it is a party, assume it is a funeral, because it's impossible to distinguish the two by sight alone (maybe I need an a Chinese sense for these things.)

I can't think of much else to say - oh, except my embarrassment on Friday night when I found out that all the movies I had been "buying" were actually rentals. Now, it took about 15 minutes of loud shouting in Chinese and elaborate gestures for them to convey this to me, but I did finally figure it out. When I took a couple of them back yesterday, I got some money back, so I guess we had to leave a deposit - maybe they've had this problem with foreigners before. The nice part is that it only costs us 1 or 2 yuan to rent a movie, which makes it possible for us to rent movies like Doom and not feel like I overpaid.

Well, that's enough for now. I'll try to think up some funny stuff for next time.